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"Welcome to my emporium of quality merchandise." - Nejo

Broken Sword Movie

And the Oscar goes to... Broken Sword!

Most truly great and enjoyable games have cinematic qualities. Whether that's great effects, acting, memorable moments or just a superb story, most 'classic' titles have one or more of these characteristics. That's for a simple reason. Who hasn't seen a film and wished it was them, up on the big screen? Whether it be as Bruce Willis kicking terrorist ass in a dirty and blood-soaked vest, Luke Skywalker wielding a lightsabre (although Darth Maul's was easily the coolest), or Maximus battling in the Colosseum, we all seek to emulate our film idols. Games can give us the chance to do that. Maybe thats why so many games have been turned into movies (the terrible Street Fighter, and slightly better Mortal Kombat) and vice versa. Adventure games usually give us the biggest opportunity to live out these dreams, and the widest choice on how to do it. So what if Broken Sword were to be made into a film? Who would play George, Nico, Kahn, Duane and Pearl? They're the questions I want to answer in this article.

So first off, George. What do we need? Someone fairly young, blonde
Edward Norton as George?
hair, American. Brad Pitt? Too pricey. Tobey Maguire? As if anyone can see him now and not think of Spiderman. So my choice would be Edward Norton. He's about the right age, smart, and can dye his hair. Or is he a natural blonde? Only one way to find out... anyway... and he's never done a real action film. Heck, he could even direct the movie, he's done that before. He seems just about right for the all-American law student thrown into an international conspiracy. Although his price might be up because of Red Dragon, even if it did suck.

Nico's next. We need a hot European girl (how many times have I
Audrey Tautou as Nico?
said that?), who is also smart and could realistically play a French photojournalist. Ok, so she doesn't have to be European. Penelope Cruz? No. Catherine Zeta Jones? Don't make me laugh. Britney Spears? Yep, but just for my private movies. How about Audrey Tautou? WHO??? Yep, that's right. She's French, and bears a pretty close resemblence to Nico. And she's not too bad looking. Sure beats getting some American to put on a dodgy accent, right?

The third big choice is whose gonna play Kahn. Wellity, wellity, wellity. The toughest choice. Seeing as I don't know too many
Ray Winstone as Kahn?
Middle Eastern actors (unfortunately), it'll have to be someone British or American. Someone 40-45, tanned and who can do a DECENT foreign accent. Ray Winstone. OK, so he's a little... bigger... than Kahn, but what the hey. He's a damn good actor, as well as being very cool and immensely intimidating. Sounds just about right.

And the bit parts. Duane and Pearl... that's a tough one. How about Ed O'Neill and Katey Segal, from Married with Children? I think they're a bit too young, and slim, for our favourite American couple. Kathy Najimy, who voices Peggy Hill in King of the Hill, and was in Sister Act, is just about right for Pearl, or so I think. And for Duane? I figure this is a great opportunity for a cameo, from you've guessed it... ROLF FREAKIN' SAXON BABY!!! Ignore what I said earlier about O'Neill being too slim. WE NEED THE SAXON! Maybe he could wear a fat suit or something. Rosso? Well, think of a Frenchman who's intelligent... yet intimidating... intense... but handsome. I can only think of one (apart from Eric Cantona)... Jean Reno. He could shave his head, spend some time in a tanning salon, et Bob est ton onkel! [What the heck is that suppsoe to mean? - Jojo] And for everyone else, we get some good character actors. None of this hokey stuff.

So the film would have to take a bit of creative license with the story, shortening the puzzles AND NOT CRASHING WHEN YOU TRY TO INSERT CD 2!!!! (Sorry about that, little problem with my old computer. But that's all fixed now, thanks to my boot.) The plot's already full of exciting moments and humour that most Hollywood movies are missing nowadays (God, I really do sound like an old man). The budget would be pretty high, but it would make all the money back in mere weeks, what will all the Broken Sword fans already out there. It would fill the gap that Indiana Jones left, for a smart and fun action film. The general public would hear how good the story and special effects are, see the great cast list and flock to their local cinemas. Amazed by what they have just seen, they rush out to their local gaming shops and purchase BS1 and BS2, then the Smoking Dragon [I'm sure you mean the Sleeping Dragon, right? - Jojo]. They realise just how truly genius the games are, and sign up to the Unofficial BS3 Forums. We welcome them at first, then begin to despise the newbies. Hardened forumers begin verbal fights and stick beatings, and the newbies leave in tears, and we're all left alone again, just in time for the sequel. Oh yeah.

Author: Neil Breen || Comments


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